First let me tell you that this article was NOT intended to be funny at all. It was simply meant to be an informational piece about shower heads and what people preferred. The much more I investigated the more I found there were large differences between what men want vs. what women want in shower head. The much more men and women I talked with the more clear and humorous the differences became. I even had much insight into the completely different yet amusing shower habits and “rituals” of men and women. As funny as these habits are most men will relate to the men’s habits and women will relate to the women’s habits. I bet you will too.
What will really tickle your humorous bone is when YOU present or email this article to your partner, friends, relatives, coworkers, or whomever you know. Be sure to ask them their opinions on it. I will venture a guess that the responses you receive will be humorously similar to the observations I have made (even though they are blissfully blown out of proportion).
Before I get into the shower head differences it might be friendly to note the shower habits women and men have. This is important because there tends to be a direct relationship between these habits and what shower head is preferred.
Women: Their Shower Ritual
Most men cannot even fathom the odd “rituals” that go on when a woman showers. They just thing men know is that when the door shuts this “ritual” will last anywhere from 30 minutes to about 5 hours. After which the door swings open, steam erupts out of the bathroom, and a barely noticeable figure is standing, almost glowing, in the midst of it. It is pretty much like something out of a sci-fi movie.
Women have this “armory” of products they “absolutely need” to conduct this shower “ritual.” What we are talking about here is 30 different kinds of shower gels, soaps, scrubs, and whatnot that will take care of dried out skin, flaky skin, oily skin, combination skin, slightly greasy flaky dry skin, flaky greasy something or other skin, etc. Each is pleasantly scented that can resemble a fragrance such as frosting, cakes, chocolate, candy, and assorted fruits and berries which can relax or invigorate their senses. Women also require somewhere around 5 shampoos and 9 conditioners, each with different purposes for their ever-changing hairstyles as well as an assortment of wash cloths, scrubbers, buffers, bath puffs, etc. for each of their “10,029” parts. To top it all off they require assorted hair removal tools including shaving mousses, gels, creams, before and after shaving gels, etc. Somehow women manage to cram all of this into the 26 rack they have hanging in the shower.
Women take their time in the shower, obviously. Covering every nook and cranny on their body. Inspecting every rectangular inch for any sort of imperfection that can be taken care of by one of the many showering products they use. They will wash their hair not once, not twice, but frequently until there is no shampoo and conditioner left in the house actually the hidden backups under the sink and stashed in the attic. Even when all of this care is done they still must go through their “after shower ritual.” Consuming another 10 hours of their day for a 1-hour outing. But, you won’t hear me complain because the end result is usually gorgeous and beautiful.
Men: Their Shower Ritual
Now let’s take a look at the shower “ritual” of a man. Well, it isn’t much of a ritual at all. You see men are quite simple creatures. They require extremely little in the way of showering items or actually time.
More than likely if you look in a man’s shower you will see 5 or so items; a hardly ever used washcloth, a bar of soap (usually with the name of a hotel on it), cheap shampoo/conditioner combo (only if he has hair), and potentially a razor with shaving cream. That is it!
Men do not take much time at all because they are the MASTERS of the 30-second shower. Typically men will fiddle around for a bit running the bar of soap around their body with special attention to armpits and those “other” 2 spots. They will hold their fingernails under the spray and hope that any gunk gets shot out. Men will wash their hair just once rinsing it while they do wash it. The washcloth broadly sits unused but sometimes will be used for that “extra cleaning” for church days, birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s Day, and anniversaries. Just ask a bunch of men how well they scrub their backs and how often!
So What Do Women And Men Want In A Shower Head?
Now that you know the differences in “rituals” women and men have you can clearly see that showering for women is all about indulging, pampering, beauty, relaxation, variety, stimulation of senses, and soft care for their body. You can also see that men just want to get in and get out of the shower as quick as they can with as small work as possible, plain and simple. By knowing these distinctions you can see why each prefers the type of shower head they do.
Women: Typically women prefer a shower head that provides a gentle stream of water so that it contacts their skin in a soothing pleasing sort of way. Most generally soft water, water saving types of shower heads where the water just has enough force to hit the middle of the shower. If it sprays too hard it will be uncomfortable to perform their entire shower “ritual.” If you see any shower head models with the words water saver, sweet, serenity, soft, gentle, soothing, calm, or mild then it’s a good choice for a shower head for a woman.
Men: Most men would agree that soft just does not cut it. Instead of spending time scrubbing every body part they would prefer a shower head that can literally BLAST the grime right off. What would be better if it just removes the skin altogether. For men you should look for shower head models like the Skin Remover 2150 (yes I made that up) or anything with the words blaster, shooter, drencher, or acupuncture in it.
Women: Women also prefer a shower head that gives them a variety of settings that nicely help them feel pampered and indulge in their shower experience. They would prefer settings similar to tropical rainfall, summer mist, cascading waterfall, spring drizzle, etc.
Men: Forget all the gentle gentle settings. The just reason men would want a large range of settings is to be able to increase water pressure. That is all.
Women: A shower is prime relaxation time for women. It is a mandatory part of their shower “ritual.” Hey, women get sore muscles and troubled just as much as men do. This is why women like shower heads with 70 different massage settings that provide varying degrees of relaxation. Keep in mind that those massage settings still must be gentle so that they remain as comfy as possible.
Men: Now men also like those massage settings. Again, only because they tend to increase water pressure. The massage settings should not be anything gentle. Usually a shower head with a single “machine gun” massage setting that can shoot holes through someone’s body knocking them to the back of the shower disfigured and dismembered is what men really prefer.
Women: The most important preference women have for a shower head is that it compliments the bathroom decor. If it does not look good with the decor it won’t be found anywhere near the bathroom despite any cool features the shower head has.
Men: Who cares what it looks like as long as the darned thing works! Pretty much nicely anything that resembles a fire hose that can shoot a stream of water 3 blocks down the street and distribute enough water to fill a backyard swimming pool in much less than 3 minutes is all that is required.
Okay, so now you know what men and women want in a shower head. If you have separate his and her showers then half the battle is won already. All you have to do is install the best shower head according to what you and your partner prefer. However, there are people who have no choice but to share a shower with their loving partner. The trick here is to install a shower head that is has as many of the features preferred by women that also has a skin ripping blaster and a machine gun massage setting preferred by men. If you somehow find one, you and your partner will have the best shower experience of your lives.