Some ladies in midlife have a kind of sexual flowering, enjoying sex more than ever before. Other ladies have the opposite experience: they really feel like they’re going down sexually. These are the ladies who report that, even though they love their partners very much, they’re just not that interested in sex with them anymore.
In their 40’s and 50’s, ladies come into their own sense of who they are as sexual beings, says sex therapist and iVillage sex expert, Dr. Patti Britton. When ladies this age drop interest in sex, she says, “It’s a marker of what’s below the surface.” Hormonal alterations can make a woman’s libido nosedive, but so can other factors.
Problems begin with a woman’s sexual self image. “I might feel profoundly dissatisfied that I do not meet up with the idealized image of the hungry, lustful 46-year-old hot mama,” says Dr. Britton. Body image plays a role too, as ladies in midlife may fight what looks like an uphill battle to keep from sagging and spreading, making them embarrassed to be seen undressed.
“A relationship is intended to be about two people that have the courage to be emotionally naked with each other,” says Dr. Block. “To do this, they should develop an atmosphere between them that is emotionally safe.”
Then there is the overload factor. With work, family obligations, and active social lives, we are tired at the end of the day. “When you’re middle aged and you have a busy life, don’t count on spontaneity,” says Dr. Block. “Instead, set up a weekly date with each other.”
Other tips from Dr. Britton and Dr. Block on getting back our sexuality:
– “Get rid of negative self chatter,” urges Dr. Britton. Rather than zeroing in on what you do not like about your body, try to eat a healthy diet and get much more physical activity.
– Try to speak from your heart with your partner, encouraging him to do the same.
– Touch your partner – it does not have to be sexual touch.
– It is alright to be a bit flirty.
– Allow yourself to have sexual thoughts, and don’t feel guilty if they are not about your partner. Based on Dr. Block, the mainly typical fantasy for both men and ladies stars someone else.
Sex is, after all, a portion of who we are as human beings, and without it we may really feel that something essential is missing. If your relationship has cooled off, try these tips and see if you can turn the heat back on.
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